I have so much on my mind right now. One thought that can't seem to go away....not having enough time.
There isn't enough time to do all thats needed/wanted. There aren't enough hours in the day. That saying sounds so cliche but so true. My biggest concern is getting things done. I am a workaholic. I work as much as I can and have 19 credit hours in school.
"Will you be able to keep this up?" This meaning 29-32 hours at Walgreens, 3 hours VCUarts work study, 19 credit hours, 3-6 hours of roller derby, plus hw, and attempts at working out a week. My mom was concerned when I was explaining scheduling/time management things the other day. I told her that I really don't have a choice. Independence is important to me. I am not totally self sufficient in the least. I don't have all the knowledge required to take care of myself totally. I have confidence that I would be able to but I know I don't hold the wisdom.
But besides the whole independent thing, I really just want to be there for my mom. She has always been there to me, encouraging me, teaching me, and telling me that "We will figure it out somehow." No matter what the circumstance, she would work towards it. I want to be able to do as much for myself as possible because I feel I owe it to her.
I think about the fact that my writing really concerns me. I wish I had the same skills of expressing myself with writing, than I do with my art. My mom described my writing as everything that comes out of me head. Shouldn't it be? I guess its more of an organization thing. Then there is the whole part of portraying what I really want to get across.
Overwhelmed is what I am. I have an extreme urge to excel in all I do. I want to be a good employee, friend, student, and athlete (derby). I want to do well in school but I also want to work as much as possible so that I can pay my rent. I want to be able to afford the things I need. Not feeling guilty for spending money on necessities.
Robotic. I have my daily schedule. Its pretty set in stone with school and work but little things pop in inbetween. I might not have that set but its pretty evident that something will be going on.
I want more time. More time for class. More time to do my homework/projects. Time to enjoy the readings in Womens Study and to research my chosen topic for English 200. More time to sleep. More time to spend with my friends.to explore who I am. to love. to work. to skate...........
more time.
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Out by sixteen or dead on the scene, but together forever.
2 comments:
I find myself wishing I could be there you more..
You've always played such a powerful role in my life, ever since we met again that day at school we were practically inseparable.
When I was sad, mad, happy, indifferent, it was you that was there for me, more than anyone else.
Even when I tried to push you away for whatever reasons, you wouldn't let me go, you wouldn't leave.
And man Cassie, you are such an amazing person.
Anything you set your mind to doing, it happens, and I admire you for that.
Not to sound cliche' or anything, but I know it's all going to work out for you.
.. I just wish I could play more of a role in moving things along for you.
Don't ever give up Cassie. Though we may have met all these other cool, funky, interesting people. At the end of the day, it's me and you babe. Even when we're not together, we're still together.
Together forever :)
I really do love you. It means a lot to me that you responded to this post, I was very much in need.
I'm always here for you and its great to know you are there for me.
<3
Nobody is more amazing than you.
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